Tuesday 3 December 2013
3 years
Worked it all out have been trying for 3 years on and off! Why has it my worked in this time, I wonder maybe there really is Somthing wrong with me. Or is it my choice of donor , even Been looking at sights where people ask strangers for money for different things, dare I do the same. Prob wouldn't work but could try it
Wednesday 13 November 2013
Age gaps
So ok 26 years that's a fair size age gap I can understand people finding it a little weird sum times, but not a good friend! What a bitch! Well she's gone that's for sure. Could do with out that thanks.
Just except things, people r different things work differently! That's life!
Monday 11 November 2013
Birthday
Today I am 28! First birthday without any cards from a grandparent as I gave none left.
Still no baby hense why I have no written I got the flu twice and had to miss a month trying as was too ill. Now it's that time again. Grandads funeral is tomorrow tho. Xxxx
Friday 18 October 2013
Friday 4 October 2013
Not pregnant
Again it's a no no, I was chilled, relaxed and had a little drinky which sum sites suggest and still zip Nowt not a thing was 3 days late then bang ! Very sad face right now, have lost count. Dam u nhs dam u dam u! Gonna go on a new diet my mates r doing its not cheap but hey why not give it a go this ain't working,
On the bright side sisters wedding is tomorrow so looking forward to that just hope there r no issues while I'm there. Lol.
Over and out
Thursday 3 October 2013
Negative vs positive
Not sure what's better stay positive and hope things will work and be very dissapointed when they don't. Or just think that things will never happen.
Or can you really do either?
Still no good news for me yet! And next door neighbour died poor man, that's two now.
Monday 30 September 2013
How did they know before me
Was friends funeral today, didn't make it coz had car issues but managed to get to the wake. 200_300 people went.
While at the wake was talking to some one we didn't invite to our wedding as we haven't spoken in such a long time think she was really upset up it, I felt so bad she then whispered to me she stuck up for me back in the day. Meaning when mum and dad found out about me. Now I can't get that out my head! For one when did this happen and how did they all know before me. Also why make me feel worse than I already do
Thursday 26 September 2013
Wedding
Sisters wedding a week Saturday she's a posh Londoner so I need to dress well. Do u think I can find sumit 18-20 low cut floaty dress not to much to ask everything seems to be high neck, wondering if I can get away with a nice suit instead.
Saturday 21 September 2013
Boobs!
Big ones small ones weird ones!
Men love them gay men love them
Everyone loves then!
N e way shopping with them not so good god dam my 36-38 GG grrrrrr. Finding a dress is not fun. And I'm told to wear sumit I norm wouldn't lol cheers. Still will be a great day
Thursday 19 September 2013
Drunk
Lost count of tries now, but this time thought hey ho ill have a drinky lol. Well most unwanted pregnancys happen wen drunk. Not the best idea ever. Won't do it again sleepy now. Only two drinks not a shed load
Tuesday 17 September 2013
Death
It's a part of us all, if you have not yet been touched by it ur lucky.
Today a friend died only age 22 she was very ill and had been suffering for many years, at least she is at peace now. But please for any one who reads this are you on the donor list. Even if so are your details up todate. It made me realise my details were not up to date I have now corrected this. Please please please I am begging you if your not on the list for whatever reason do it and do it now. You could save a life. My friend was at the top of the list but never got her chance. Had she gotten what she needed she would have led a normal life. If the worst happened to you would you not want the same a chance at life. RIP young one xxxxx
Sunday 15 September 2013
GAY
Does anyone else think teens today are gay coz its kool. Lol. So many I know from when I was a teen not that long ago might I add to now just seem to do it for a while then next thing I know they are straight and have kids etc.
I wonder if its coz they really did think it was kool for a while or they are just going straight coz its the easy way to do things.
Monday 9 September 2013
And for my wife
Love it today for the first time heard some one say and I'll book an appt for my wife too and the lady at the counter didn't bat an eye lid now that's how it should be! This little town is getting with the times just hope we get this gay pride they r talking about
Thursday 5 September 2013
Tricks
Why do our bodies play tricks on us. First I come on just a little then stop so I start thinking omg maybe this it and I get a little excited. Then boom starts again. Omg I could just fall apart. It's not fare it really ain't. Get told off in work. Well your lot fucking try to deal with what I have to see how far they get before cracking up. I think I'm dam strong for everything I've been through with it all.
Tuesday 3 September 2013
Is it me?
Is it me?
Am I the problem?
What if I cant get pregnant?
Don't think I can cope if I cant have children.
What do I do now?
Do I go and pay for tests as NHS will not help me coz I am GAY. ?
Or just carry on trying and going through this torture everytime. that's what it is torture.
Had to come home early from work. just didn't want to be around anyone, no one there will ever understand. Not many people do. Why is it, it always works for everyone else apart from yourself.
Gonna try to get my Donor to have a count done. Now that's a convo that could be interesting. questioning a guys manhood. but would rather know if there is an issue or not.
Am I the problem?
What if I cant get pregnant?
Don't think I can cope if I cant have children.
What do I do now?
Do I go and pay for tests as NHS will not help me coz I am GAY. ?
Or just carry on trying and going through this torture everytime. that's what it is torture.
Had to come home early from work. just didn't want to be around anyone, no one there will ever understand. Not many people do. Why is it, it always works for everyone else apart from yourself.
Gonna try to get my Donor to have a count done. Now that's a convo that could be interesting. questioning a guys manhood. but would rather know if there is an issue or not.
Bed
Got up and nope defo didn't work again. I'm so gutted I can't even cry. Where do I have to go now to work. Will they understand no. Will I get into trouble prob yes. My back is killing me and I feel sick. Not to mention I'm extremely upset. God help anyone if they get in my way today. I just wanna stay home and be alone.
Sunday 1 September 2013
Getting stressed
If you have been through what I'm doing then you will understand how stressed I am right now thy say don't get stressed but you just can't help it only couple of days till I'm due on and it's starting to get to me. Just don't wanna have to go through it all over again. It's draining me. Fingers crossed hell everything crossed
Saturday 31 August 2013
Days almost here
Almost Tuesday, feels like there's so many days left but there's not. I have a feeling it's not worked again. I don't feel any different at all just fatter but that's coz I've eaten more than norm lol: naughty me. Well still fingers crossed I guess you never. Know.
Tuesday 27 August 2013
Weight loss
Why when you go away you eat more. Yum yum! Naughty me. Time for a diet! If it don't work this time I'm gonna join a diet group online and see how we get on.
Anyway what I have been up to London for a writing course get there and it's cancelled me annoyed. I am covered in cuts and bruised like mad. Only from traveling on buses and the under ground. So funny not sure how I did it.
Monday 26 August 2013
London
Little trip to London was a bust! Three trains and bus I'm
Finally able to rest have worst headache ever. A 30 min trip turned into 3 hours! Never again. Least it's taking my mind off the baby stuff. Don't they dress lush in London and all so slim must be all the running about on the underground.
Friday 23 August 2013
Negativity
Why do people have to interfear, and poke their noses in.
In work its cause people want to get ahead and will do anything to get there, so they want to know what everyone else is always up to.
They pretend to be your friend, are so nice to your face and then bam stab you in the back when you are not there.
O well that's one friend off the list, I got you that job wish I haddent. she used to be such a nice girl till that guy came in and messed her up. He is a lazy cock!
Anyway rant over that felt better cheers peeps.
So as you know we are trying to start a family and we are going down the route of using a known donor as I believe the child should know who their father is. no one should grow up not knowing. and they are going to feel different enough I don't want them to feel that way. I feel I have made the right choice for us.
We have known are donor and partner for a long time. and me and lynn are married so the law is on our side. and even with all that. we would never stop them seeing the child. thats what we want, and with the cost of child care I believe its a win win. yes I know it will not be easy but what is these days.
Its not like we were a couple that have split up and are going to fight all the time. this is a friendship and trust thing and it WILL work.
So note to you all, let know one get you down and do what you want, if it blows up in your face then just deal with it.
over and out much love xxxx
In work its cause people want to get ahead and will do anything to get there, so they want to know what everyone else is always up to.
They pretend to be your friend, are so nice to your face and then bam stab you in the back when you are not there.
O well that's one friend off the list, I got you that job wish I haddent. she used to be such a nice girl till that guy came in and messed her up. He is a lazy cock!
Anyway rant over that felt better cheers peeps.
So as you know we are trying to start a family and we are going down the route of using a known donor as I believe the child should know who their father is. no one should grow up not knowing. and they are going to feel different enough I don't want them to feel that way. I feel I have made the right choice for us.
We have known are donor and partner for a long time. and me and lynn are married so the law is on our side. and even with all that. we would never stop them seeing the child. thats what we want, and with the cost of child care I believe its a win win. yes I know it will not be easy but what is these days.
Its not like we were a couple that have split up and are going to fight all the time. this is a friendship and trust thing and it WILL work.
So note to you all, let know one get you down and do what you want, if it blows up in your face then just deal with it.
over and out much love xxxx
Thursday 22 August 2013
Other Odd Nights Out
After a few Gay nights out I started to meet new people. and made some amazing friends. some gay but most were not. But they supported Each other and came to the Gay nights and the non gay nights.
They are some of the best people I have ever met. and I wish I made more of an effort years ago with them. It was harder not living in the same town. Bus and Taxis cost money.
But we had some amazing nights out. I remember some where we just headed back and slept where we landed, manly at some ones house but still. Id used to need to get to college or work the next day so I was the first up and out the door no matter what time we got back.
I remember one time couple of guys having sex in front of everyone under the covers coz they thought we were asleep (well guys we were not asleep)
I remember a book of some sort which you had to write in if you did something silly.
I remember walking to the garage to get food at a silly time. and one of the girls mooning a car on the way back.
Having to show id and flirting my way in. (helps when u got the boobs to do it)
Anyway Great friends are hard to find and that bunch are amazing and even with children, marriage, divorce, work and life in general.
Id like to think we would all be there for each other if we really needed one another.
I know at the moment ive been talking to one a lot recently and its nice. Its great when you can talk to some one and they don't think you are just moaning all the time.
WE ALL NEED FRIENDS
I LOVE MINE
PLEASE DONT GO ANYWHERE
(also please share your crazy stories coz I cant remember them all coz I was very very drunk)
They are some of the best people I have ever met. and I wish I made more of an effort years ago with them. It was harder not living in the same town. Bus and Taxis cost money.
But we had some amazing nights out. I remember some where we just headed back and slept where we landed, manly at some ones house but still. Id used to need to get to college or work the next day so I was the first up and out the door no matter what time we got back.
I remember one time couple of guys having sex in front of everyone under the covers coz they thought we were asleep (well guys we were not asleep)
I remember a book of some sort which you had to write in if you did something silly.
I remember walking to the garage to get food at a silly time. and one of the girls mooning a car on the way back.
Having to show id and flirting my way in. (helps when u got the boobs to do it)
Anyway Great friends are hard to find and that bunch are amazing and even with children, marriage, divorce, work and life in general.
Id like to think we would all be there for each other if we really needed one another.
I know at the moment ive been talking to one a lot recently and its nice. Its great when you can talk to some one and they don't think you are just moaning all the time.
WE ALL NEED FRIENDS
I LOVE MINE
PLEASE DONT GO ANYWHERE
(also please share your crazy stories coz I cant remember them all coz I was very very drunk)
Stereotype
In work today and we will call her Pixi a gal I work with, a very good friend to be honest. love her to bits. but she made me think today. We always stereotype people. This is what the Media has done to us. GBLT groups are all stereotyped and because when do come out most of us feel we want to make a statement. we dress like the media tell us to. for me I felt I needed to cut my hair short. Alex parks style, (hey it was all the range back then, I say that like im that old)
Anyway back to topic. We feel we must be camp or wear jeans and a shirt and have short hair.
We really don't. just be.
Not that, that will help coz I think most people will go through this stage as they want to attract a mate and want word to get round.
when I was younger We had great Gay nights out. just a shame where I live there were not many out people so nights started to go quiet.
Anyway back to Pixi (my god don't I just go on and on)
Girl walked in short hair, jeans, foot ball shirt had the walk if you know what I mean, and kept looking at me.
Lol must of heard about me then, small town and all that word spreads. (Too late love im a married woman)
Well she helped her out and then another girl comes in with two kids we knew her but didn't think she was Gay.
Pixi came over after she left and was like hey Faye what do you think. well. lol
I just find it so funny that cos some one dresses like that we just either know they are gay or guess they are.
You get my point right, it made sense at the time.
not a great example but hey ho.
MEDIA you suck change your ways.
Just to let you know.
Im5ft 7 but people tell me 5ft 8
size 9 feet (just felt you should know that)
little overweight (I like my cakes, in fact id love one now)
Long hair soon to be brown and blonde woop woop (after the short hair it scared me, never again)
Not what I would call a stereotype anymore.
YOU TO CAN BEAT THE MEDIA!! GO GO NOW
Anyway back to topic. We feel we must be camp or wear jeans and a shirt and have short hair.
We really don't. just be.
Not that, that will help coz I think most people will go through this stage as they want to attract a mate and want word to get round.
when I was younger We had great Gay nights out. just a shame where I live there were not many out people so nights started to go quiet.
Anyway back to Pixi (my god don't I just go on and on)
Girl walked in short hair, jeans, foot ball shirt had the walk if you know what I mean, and kept looking at me.
Lol must of heard about me then, small town and all that word spreads. (Too late love im a married woman)
Well she helped her out and then another girl comes in with two kids we knew her but didn't think she was Gay.
Pixi came over after she left and was like hey Faye what do you think. well. lol
I just find it so funny that cos some one dresses like that we just either know they are gay or guess they are.
You get my point right, it made sense at the time.
not a great example but hey ho.
MEDIA you suck change your ways.
Just to let you know.
Im5ft 7 but people tell me 5ft 8
size 9 feet (just felt you should know that)
little overweight (I like my cakes, in fact id love one now)
Long hair soon to be brown and blonde woop woop (after the short hair it scared me, never again)
Not what I would call a stereotype anymore.
YOU TO CAN BEAT THE MEDIA!! GO GO NOW
Wednesday 21 August 2013
Soft Cups
So after looking on many sites, I noticed a lot of people are using these soft cups. so I thought why not lets give that ago.
Ordered some online as I couldn't find any anywhere in the town I live in. just something called a moon cup and that looked scary.
went shopping today some where else had a nose in a shop and then yey found some, so got them right away.
Looked online at how to use them as they do not come with instructions for the purpose I want them for.
The cups are designed as an alternative for tampons and pads.
But people use them for conception to hold her sperm closer to the cervix. so hey ho why not give it a try. they are easyer to use than I first thought,
People online where mixed about using them some said its easy others not so easy.
But there we go will try again this evening. Fingers crossed!
,toodles xxx
Ordered some online as I couldn't find any anywhere in the town I live in. just something called a moon cup and that looked scary.
went shopping today some where else had a nose in a shop and then yey found some, so got them right away.
Looked online at how to use them as they do not come with instructions for the purpose I want them for.
The cups are designed as an alternative for tampons and pads.
But people use them for conception to hold her sperm closer to the cervix. so hey ho why not give it a try. they are easyer to use than I first thought,
People online where mixed about using them some said its easy others not so easy.
But there we go will try again this evening. Fingers crossed!
,toodles xxx
Tuesday 20 August 2013
Ovulation tests! Ahhh
Ok so got a kit few months ago and it's all been fine and working. I get my new one so tried it this morning. Yesterday old test said high fertility this morning new test said nowt nothing zip! Omg ahhh so then after a mass panic I tried my old test and yep high fert again. This puts me in much doubt are they working fine? Is one faulty if so which one. So many questions an no one to get answers from. All I can do is continue to do what I am doing. Maybe write to who I ordered it from. Ya never know might get a free one. Anyway must dash to work xxx
Saturday 17 August 2013
Try number 4
So off we go again, time to try again, fingers crossed. my hopes get weaker everytime now. but you never know just gotta keep going. went to Glastonbury and got some fertility candles might seem silly to you but you get desperate and will try anything. I want this so much but I know I have to try to stay calm not easy when I have a trip to London soon for business. im not really the business type, but hey means more money so I need to try these things. big city little me.
Saturday 10 August 2013
Work!
Why is it not matter where you work people just want to trample over you to get to the top. I like to be fare and make sure everyone gets a chance but looks like that's not what others want so watch this space! Any who of to a party now xx
Friday 9 August 2013
Angry
Feeling more and more angry all the time, why is everyone else getting pregnant and having babys, I feel like I am being left behind everyone else.
I keep thinking I will delete facebook but just cant manage to do it. how sad is that.
Just when I see people with their kids and babys and baby bumps, makes me angry and sad.
Been writing my blog for a while now. just cant seem to find the courage to put it out there and get people reading it. guess I need to start to take more chances.
4th time lucky right people,
Gonna really go for it this time.
over and out
I keep thinking I will delete facebook but just cant manage to do it. how sad is that.
Just when I see people with their kids and babys and baby bumps, makes me angry and sad.
Been writing my blog for a while now. just cant seem to find the courage to put it out there and get people reading it. guess I need to start to take more chances.
4th time lucky right people,
Gonna really go for it this time.
over and out
Wednesday 7 August 2013
Let Down
Damit, another failed attempt. Gutted, sad, but need to stay positive and try try try again!
It is such a stressful process and the fact I know the NHS will not help me if this does not work is not helping at all. At least straight couples know they stand a better chance than I do for getting help.
It really sucks how we are stll livng in the dark ages.
Really makes me Angry!
It is such a stressful process and the fact I know the NHS will not help me if this does not work is not helping at all. At least straight couples know they stand a better chance than I do for getting help.
It really sucks how we are stll livng in the dark ages.
Really makes me Angry!
Tuesday 30 July 2013
Fertility
Still got over a week till I can test to see if I am pregnant, omg the days seem to feel like months,
I keep finding myself looking at fertility drugs an if I can buy them online if the doctor won't let me have any. How bad is that even tho I know it could be so dangerous and you don't know what your buying yet I feel so strongly about having a child it's like all logic goes out the window and you don't care how you get there.
We just got back from few days away which took my mind off things it was really nice in Falmouth now we are off to Brighton just couple of days before pride as they are all booked up for pride and it cost over twice as much which is just silly.
Brighton was great really felt normal, would love to live there so much to see and do.
I keep finding myself looking at fertility drugs an if I can buy them online if the doctor won't let me have any. How bad is that even tho I know it could be so dangerous and you don't know what your buying yet I feel so strongly about having a child it's like all logic goes out the window and you don't care how you get there.
We just got back from few days away which took my mind off things it was really nice in Falmouth now we are off to Brighton just couple of days before pride as they are all booked up for pride and it cost over twice as much which is just silly.
Brighton was great really felt normal, would love to live there so much to see and do.
Monday 29 July 2013
Crap
3rd attempt at baby! Getting a bit stressed about it all now. What happens if it does not work, what if it never works. I want to be a mother but may never get the chance. NHS won't help us which is wrong, starting to wonder if ill be able to afford to fight them for my right for help. Over a week to go till we know but I'm not feeling like its worked again. Ahhhhh.
Really not feeling positive about this at all.
:,(
Thursday 18 July 2013
Troubles
OMG couldn't get on for few days very very annoying. taken me about two hours now just to get things up and running. dam sites seems I had create two accounts and gotten myself all a little messed up.
Anyway on to the present time again. so no baby this time round. but high hopes for round 3 which will being soon. have spent £15.00 on some of this pre seed stuff ment to help you get preggers faster so fingers crossed for this time. you never know right. 3rd time lucky,
This heat is getting to me tho really could do with loseing a few more pounds but in this heat who wants to come home from work and then do loads of exercise, not me. no air con in work either so its like silly HOT!
Anyway soon be winter and cold. lol.
xx
Anyway on to the present time again. so no baby this time round. but high hopes for round 3 which will being soon. have spent £15.00 on some of this pre seed stuff ment to help you get preggers faster so fingers crossed for this time. you never know right. 3rd time lucky,
This heat is getting to me tho really could do with loseing a few more pounds but in this heat who wants to come home from work and then do loads of exercise, not me. no air con in work either so its like silly HOT!
Anyway soon be winter and cold. lol.
xx
Thursday 11 July 2013
My First Big Gay Night Out
This is the following year after meeting Florance, start of the 2nd year of college
Im pretty sure I was underage Naughty me, (with a fake ID)
It was a lush evening, beautiful and snowinig. I got on the bus to head to a little town called Bridgwater, I would meet my friends there and we would head to Taunton in the taxi we had already booked. I was excited I had my hair freshly cut that day. (yes I had the Alex parks do) I had a lush shirt on and Amazing jeans and a Fab yellow belt.
Anyway. a taxi ride later we ended up in Taunton. the club was down a dark ally by a church real underground looking. the night its self was called OUT, it was dark inside with condoms and safe sex leaflets everywhere. nice looking bar, 4 tables on the dance floor and the word OUT in kool flashy lights.
There were also something called Shag Tags. which ment you were given a number as you went in the club then there was a big notice board near the dance floor. if you liked the looks of some one you could write them a message. I never got one that night but I did a few nights after wen the night out had moved to a new club.
The tables were great on the dance floor and even to this day its the only club I have ever been in where I was allowed to dance on the table. woop woop.
There was an amazing atmosphear there tho. drag kings and queens. some looked soooo good you really couldn't tell if they were male or female. but seeing so many different types of people was great. you just don't see it in everyday life very often coz people think they need to hide.
YOU DONT NEED TO HIDE! BE FREE
The night was great just danced and had fun.
Waiting for the taxi and then when we got home I was ment to stay at my sisters but she had friends over and they had all taken drugs so that was a no go. and I couldn't stay with anyone else. I called Florance and thankfuly she did answer the phone.
So off I went to her house, no idea where it was she had to give me instructions keeping in mind it was like 2 am lol. oops.
Well spent the night there and no nothing happened, she had her girl friend on the phone the whole bloody night crying and being a pain in the ass coz she was drunk. lol. Bit werid in the morning coz her family didn't know I was there, felt like I was sneaking around.
Well got out of there and went to college in the same clothes hahahahaha oops still a little drunk.
Got to college late they were in class so though sod it ill wait till next lesson, I was already the talk of the beauty department, Yes after media i did beauty. lol.
So I headed to the lockers and just chilled out. then went to class. lets just say I was louder than normal and we got a big talk on being drunk in class. hahahahaha so funny.
Good times
Im pretty sure I was underage Naughty me, (with a fake ID)
It was a lush evening, beautiful and snowinig. I got on the bus to head to a little town called Bridgwater, I would meet my friends there and we would head to Taunton in the taxi we had already booked. I was excited I had my hair freshly cut that day. (yes I had the Alex parks do) I had a lush shirt on and Amazing jeans and a Fab yellow belt.
Anyway. a taxi ride later we ended up in Taunton. the club was down a dark ally by a church real underground looking. the night its self was called OUT, it was dark inside with condoms and safe sex leaflets everywhere. nice looking bar, 4 tables on the dance floor and the word OUT in kool flashy lights.
There were also something called Shag Tags. which ment you were given a number as you went in the club then there was a big notice board near the dance floor. if you liked the looks of some one you could write them a message. I never got one that night but I did a few nights after wen the night out had moved to a new club.
The tables were great on the dance floor and even to this day its the only club I have ever been in where I was allowed to dance on the table. woop woop.
There was an amazing atmosphear there tho. drag kings and queens. some looked soooo good you really couldn't tell if they were male or female. but seeing so many different types of people was great. you just don't see it in everyday life very often coz people think they need to hide.
YOU DONT NEED TO HIDE! BE FREE
The night was great just danced and had fun.
Waiting for the taxi and then when we got home I was ment to stay at my sisters but she had friends over and they had all taken drugs so that was a no go. and I couldn't stay with anyone else. I called Florance and thankfuly she did answer the phone.
So off I went to her house, no idea where it was she had to give me instructions keeping in mind it was like 2 am lol. oops.
Well spent the night there and no nothing happened, she had her girl friend on the phone the whole bloody night crying and being a pain in the ass coz she was drunk. lol. Bit werid in the morning coz her family didn't know I was there, felt like I was sneaking around.
Well got out of there and went to college in the same clothes hahahahaha oops still a little drunk.
Got to college late they were in class so though sod it ill wait till next lesson, I was already the talk of the beauty department, Yes after media i did beauty. lol.
So I headed to the lockers and just chilled out. then went to class. lets just say I was louder than normal and we got a big talk on being drunk in class. hahahahaha so funny.
Good times
Meeting my lynn
I met Lynn my partner 9 years ago almost. I worked in one shop and she worked in the one across the road. we used to send messages to each other using other staff members, after a police man gave me her number hahahaha weird I know.
We moved in together a few years after meeting
and we got married earlier this year. well had a civil partnership as it was not legal to get married then. It was a nice service just a few people then a big party after. did everything on a budget and maybe spent 2000 so not to bad, had lots of weird and wonderful things tho.
We will get married again in the future I would love to have a hand fasting ceremony.
Bk to the present day for a min. Trying to get pregnant at the moment. tried before and didn't work. was to days late this time and was really hoping this would be it. but nope, gutted. Only someone who is trying or has tried knows how I feel right now. I sit here wondering if this will ever happen for me. or if I am destined to never be a parent.
We moved in together a few years after meeting
and we got married earlier this year. well had a civil partnership as it was not legal to get married then. It was a nice service just a few people then a big party after. did everything on a budget and maybe spent 2000 so not to bad, had lots of weird and wonderful things tho.
We will get married again in the future I would love to have a hand fasting ceremony.
Bk to the present day for a min. Trying to get pregnant at the moment. tried before and didn't work. was to days late this time and was really hoping this would be it. but nope, gutted. Only someone who is trying or has tried knows how I feel right now. I sit here wondering if this will ever happen for me. or if I am destined to never be a parent.
Sunday 30 June 2013
COMING OUT
Being Gay was something no one ever really talked about when I was younger, Im not saying im really old or anything and it wasent back in the dark ages. but its only really around the time I came out that it was more accepted.
When I was a teen I loved TV shows with strong independent women in them Xena and Voyager, Scully from the X-files. All that JAzz you know what I mean. I dunno maybe I fancied them I just didn't know what it was.
I dated boys, had a few boyfriends nothing major can count them all on one hand, and yes I was a good girl no hanky panky I was under 16 of course.
Anywho shutting up and moving on unless you want to hear more in which case leave a comment and I shall divulge all.
In college I met a girl we shall call her Florance (lol she would kill me if I called her that)
Anyway I knew florance back in little school then I moved away. However when I went to college there she was. A year older than me and openly GAY.
What the hell is this GAY thing. there were only 5 girls in our media studies class so us girls stuck together. o we had such fun. Florance intrigued me some what. I just couldn't help myself. she had a on - off girl friend we shall call her Dasiey (again not real name)
There were on and off like crazy, and for some reason I wanted them off rather than on. naughty me.
Anyway I knew I really liked her and it grew as days went by, she introduced me to the gay world, We never got together as a couple I did stay at hers once but that's coz I had no where else to go after my first ever Gay night out (more about that later) but nothing happened. we were just friends.
You know we all have that one friend that just attracts everyone, well that was florance.
Soooo this went on for a Year, I chased her round hoping for something but it was to never be. She got together with another gal and another and another never me, so I gave up and moved on.
the following year a took beauty instead so I didn't need to be around her, I was deffo the odd one out in that group. short blonde hair with a pink Mohawk lol.
On to FAMILY!
That 2nd year in college but younger sister who no longer lived in the family home arrived. We never really got on when we were younger (we do now, most of the time) we did anything to get one over on each other. that's what happens when there is 18 month between you.
So long story short she found out and spread the word, Mum and dad both asked me and I said no at first but they knew. and it went from there it was just ok. didn't really talk about it very often but no one was funny about it either bit boring really. Just annoying how it couldn't be done my way. but still least it is done
. Telling my little sister was harder I didn't want her to get bullied in school and my little brother. but fingers crossed to my knowledge they were ok. my older sister found it all weird and had lots of questions but that was fine to. My granddad had a stroke many years ago and so didn't really understand, but I know he approved of my now civil partner before he died.
My Nan, well we never spoke about it as I believed it best. but she did meet my partner a few times and I know she knew, she still spoke to me and helped me a lot after she died.
My other granddad on my dads side well far as I am aware he only found out this May when he came to my civil partnership. but he did come. note I haven't spoken to him about it but I think it will be an unspoken thing which is fine he is almost 90 after all.
So reader we don't all have very dramatic comings out and most of the time they are fine. its just scarey.
Any questions please ask away
Next time: First Gay night out (its funny)
When I was a teen I loved TV shows with strong independent women in them Xena and Voyager, Scully from the X-files. All that JAzz you know what I mean. I dunno maybe I fancied them I just didn't know what it was.
I dated boys, had a few boyfriends nothing major can count them all on one hand, and yes I was a good girl no hanky panky I was under 16 of course.
Anywho shutting up and moving on unless you want to hear more in which case leave a comment and I shall divulge all.
In college I met a girl we shall call her Florance (lol she would kill me if I called her that)
Anyway I knew florance back in little school then I moved away. However when I went to college there she was. A year older than me and openly GAY.
What the hell is this GAY thing. there were only 5 girls in our media studies class so us girls stuck together. o we had such fun. Florance intrigued me some what. I just couldn't help myself. she had a on - off girl friend we shall call her Dasiey (again not real name)
There were on and off like crazy, and for some reason I wanted them off rather than on. naughty me.
Anyway I knew I really liked her and it grew as days went by, she introduced me to the gay world, We never got together as a couple I did stay at hers once but that's coz I had no where else to go after my first ever Gay night out (more about that later) but nothing happened. we were just friends.
You know we all have that one friend that just attracts everyone, well that was florance.
Soooo this went on for a Year, I chased her round hoping for something but it was to never be. She got together with another gal and another and another never me, so I gave up and moved on.
the following year a took beauty instead so I didn't need to be around her, I was deffo the odd one out in that group. short blonde hair with a pink Mohawk lol.
On to FAMILY!
That 2nd year in college but younger sister who no longer lived in the family home arrived. We never really got on when we were younger (we do now, most of the time) we did anything to get one over on each other. that's what happens when there is 18 month between you.
So long story short she found out and spread the word, Mum and dad both asked me and I said no at first but they knew. and it went from there it was just ok. didn't really talk about it very often but no one was funny about it either bit boring really. Just annoying how it couldn't be done my way. but still least it is done
. Telling my little sister was harder I didn't want her to get bullied in school and my little brother. but fingers crossed to my knowledge they were ok. my older sister found it all weird and had lots of questions but that was fine to. My granddad had a stroke many years ago and so didn't really understand, but I know he approved of my now civil partner before he died.
My Nan, well we never spoke about it as I believed it best. but she did meet my partner a few times and I know she knew, she still spoke to me and helped me a lot after she died.
My other granddad on my dads side well far as I am aware he only found out this May when he came to my civil partnership. but he did come. note I haven't spoken to him about it but I think it will be an unspoken thing which is fine he is almost 90 after all.
So reader we don't all have very dramatic comings out and most of the time they are fine. its just scarey.
Any questions please ask away
Next time: First Gay night out (its funny)
Saturday 29 June 2013
Intro
Hello and welcome,
I love writing in my journal so I thought id give this ago.
Im Faye and im a gay, yes I know great rhyming.
still let me continue.
This is about me and my coming out, getting married, trying for a baby, work. everything really.
Im only 27 (gosh that looks old when I type) but its been interesting so far. I want to change how the world views us gays and why it still feels like we are living in the dark ages.MY inner most thoughts will be expressed here day by day what I go through in everyday life.
You will probably have had the same experiences as me or you can just laugh at mine, feel free to share your own. If your coming out or still in the closet or not even sure what or who you are, this will hopfuly help.
You will have to cope with my spelling its not my strong point and I cant afford someone to check it for me, so I have to rely on the great spell check that is on the computer.
NExt on my big gay life:
Learn a little more about myself and my coming out story
I love writing in my journal so I thought id give this ago.
Im Faye and im a gay, yes I know great rhyming.
still let me continue.
This is about me and my coming out, getting married, trying for a baby, work. everything really.
Im only 27 (gosh that looks old when I type) but its been interesting so far. I want to change how the world views us gays and why it still feels like we are living in the dark ages.MY inner most thoughts will be expressed here day by day what I go through in everyday life.
You will probably have had the same experiences as me or you can just laugh at mine, feel free to share your own. If your coming out or still in the closet or not even sure what or who you are, this will hopfuly help.
You will have to cope with my spelling its not my strong point and I cant afford someone to check it for me, so I have to rely on the great spell check that is on the computer.
NExt on my big gay life:
Learn a little more about myself and my coming out story
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)