Days almost here

Almost Tuesday, feels like there's so many days left but there's not. I have a feeling it's not worked again. I don't feel any different at all just fatter but that's coz I've eaten more than norm lol: naughty me. Well still fingers crossed I guess you never. Know.

Weight loss

Why when you go away you eat more. Yum yum! Naughty me. Time for a diet! If it don't work this time I'm gonna join a diet group online and see how we get on.  

Anyway what I have been up to London for a writing course get there and it's cancelled me annoyed. I am covered in cuts and bruised like mad. Only from traveling on buses and the under ground. So funny not sure how I did it. 

London

Little trip to London was a bust! Three trains and bus I'm

Finally able to rest have worst headache ever. A 30 min trip turned into 3 hours! Never again.  Least it's taking my mind off the baby stuff. Don't they dress lush in London and all so slim must be all the running about on the underground. 

Negativity

Why do people have to interfear, and poke their noses in.

In work its cause people want to get ahead and will do anything to get there, so they want to know what everyone else is always up to.

They pretend to be your friend, are so nice to your face and then bam stab you in the back when you are not there.
O well that's one friend off the list, I got you that job wish I haddent. she used to be such a nice girl till that guy came in and messed her up. He is a lazy cock!

Anyway rant over that felt better cheers peeps.

So as you know we are trying to start a family and we are going down the route of using a known donor as I believe the child should know who their father is. no one should grow up not knowing. and they are going to feel different enough I don't want them to feel that way. I feel I have made the right choice for us.

We have known are donor and partner for a long time. and me and lynn are married so the law is on our side. and even with all that. we would never stop them seeing the child. thats what we want, and with the cost of child care I believe its a win win. yes I know it will not be easy but what is these days.

Its not like we were a couple that have split up and are going to fight all the time. this is a friendship and trust thing and it WILL work.

So note to you all, let know one get you down and do what you want, if it blows up in your face then just deal with it.

over and out much love xxxx

Other Odd Nights Out

After a few Gay nights out I started to meet new people. and made some amazing friends. some gay but most were not. But they supported Each other and came to the Gay nights and the non gay nights.

They are some of the best people I have ever met. and I wish I made more of an effort years ago with them. It was harder not living in the same town. Bus and Taxis cost money.

But we had some amazing nights out. I remember some where we just headed back and slept where we landed, manly at some ones house but still. Id used to need to get to college or work the next day so I was the first up and out the door no matter what time we got back.

I remember one time couple of guys having sex in front of everyone under the covers coz they thought we were asleep (well guys we were not asleep)

I remember a book of some sort which you had to write in if you did something silly.

I remember walking to the garage to get food at a silly time. and one of the girls mooning a car on the way back.

Having to show id and flirting my way in. (helps when u got the boobs to do it)

Anyway Great friends are hard to find and that bunch are amazing and even with children, marriage, divorce, work and life in general.

Id like to think we would all be there for each other if we really needed one another.

I know at the moment ive been talking to one a lot recently and its nice. Its great when you can talk to some one and they don't think you are just moaning all the time.

WE ALL NEED FRIENDS

I LOVE MINE
PLEASE DONT GO ANYWHERE

(also please share your crazy stories coz I cant remember them all coz I was very very drunk)

Stereotype

In work today and we will call her Pixi a gal I work with, a very good friend to be honest. love her to bits. but she made me think today. We always stereotype people. This is what the Media has done to us. GBLT groups are all stereotyped and because when do come out most of us feel we want to make a statement. we dress like the media tell us to. for me I felt I needed to cut my hair short. Alex parks style, (hey it was all the range back then, I say that like im that old)

Anyway back to topic. We feel we must be camp or wear jeans and a shirt and have short hair.
We really don't. just be.

Not that, that will help coz I think most people will go through this stage as they want to attract a mate and want word to get round.

when I was younger We had great Gay nights out. just a shame where I live there were not many out people so nights started to go quiet.

Anyway back to Pixi (my god don't I just go on and on)
Girl walked in short hair, jeans, foot ball shirt had the walk if you know what I mean, and kept looking at me.

Lol must of heard about me then, small town and all that word spreads. (Too late love im a married woman)

Well she helped her out and then another girl comes in with two kids we knew her but didn't think she was Gay.
Pixi came over after she left and was like hey Faye what do you think. well. lol
I just find it so funny that cos some one dresses like that we just either know they are gay or guess they are.

You get my point right, it made sense at the time.
not a great example but hey ho.

MEDIA you suck change your ways.

Just to let you know.
Im5ft 7 but people tell me 5ft 8
size 9 feet (just felt you should know that)
little overweight (I like my cakes, in fact id love one now)
Long hair soon to be brown and blonde woop woop (after the short hair it scared me, never again)

Not what I would call a stereotype anymore.
YOU TO CAN BEAT THE MEDIA!! GO GO NOW

Soft Cups

So after looking on many sites, I noticed a lot of people are using these soft cups. so I thought why not lets give that ago.

Ordered some online as I couldn't find any anywhere in the town I live in. just something called a moon cup and that looked scary.

went shopping today some where else had a nose in a shop and then yey found some, so got them right away.
Looked online at how to use them as they do not come with instructions for the purpose I want them for.

The cups are designed as an alternative for tampons and pads.
But people use them for conception to hold her sperm closer to the cervix. so hey ho why not give it a try. they are easyer to use than I first thought,

People online where mixed about using them some said its easy others not so easy.

But there we go will try again this evening. Fingers crossed!

,toodles xxx

Ovulation tests! Ahhh

Ok so got a kit few months ago and it's all been fine and working. I get my new one so tried it this morning. Yesterday old test said high fertility this morning new test said nowt nothing zip! Omg ahhh so then after a mass panic I tried my old test and yep high fert again. This puts me in much doubt are they working fine?  Is one faulty if so which one. So many questions an no one to get answers from. All I can do is continue to do what I am doing. Maybe write to who I ordered it from. Ya never know might get a free one.  Anyway must dash to work xxx 

Try number 4

So off we go again, time to try again, fingers crossed. my hopes get weaker everytime now. but you never know just gotta keep going. went to Glastonbury and got some fertility candles might  seem silly to you but you get desperate and will try anything. I want this so much but I know I have to try to stay calm not easy when I have a trip to London soon for business. im not really the business type, but hey means more money so I need to try these things. big city little me.

Work!

Why is it not matter where you work people just want to trample over you to get to the top. I like to be fare and make sure everyone gets a chance but looks like that's not what others want so watch this space! Any who of to a party now xx 

Angry

Feeling more and more angry all the time, why is everyone else getting pregnant and having babys, I feel like I am being left behind everyone else.

I keep thinking I will delete facebook but just cant manage to do it. how sad is that.

Just when I see people with their kids and babys and baby bumps, makes me angry and sad.
Been writing my blog for a while now. just cant seem to find the courage to put it out there and get people reading it. guess I need to start to take more chances.

4th time lucky right people,
Gonna really go for it this time.

over and out

Let Down

Damit, another failed attempt. Gutted, sad, but need to stay positive and try try try again!
It is such a stressful process and the fact I know the NHS will not help me if this does not work is not helping at all. At least straight couples know they stand a better chance than I do for getting help.
It really sucks how we are stll livng in the dark ages.

Really makes me Angry!