3 years

Worked it all out have been trying for 3 years on and off! Why has it my worked in this time, I wonder maybe there really is Somthing wrong with me. Or is it my choice of donor , even Been looking at sights where people ask strangers for money for different things, dare I do the same. Prob wouldn't work but could try it

Age gaps

So ok 26 years that's a fair size age gap I can understand people finding it a little weird sum times, but not a good friend! What a bitch! Well she's gone that's for sure. Could do with out that thanks. 

Just except things, people r different things work differently! That's life!

Birthday

Today I am 28!  First birthday without any cards from a grandparent as I gave none left.  

Still no baby hense why I have no written I got the flu twice and had to miss a month trying as was too ill. Now it's that time again. Grandads funeral is tomorrow tho. Xxxx

Bad times

Never ever :(

Not pregnant

Again it's a no no, I was chilled, relaxed and had a little drinky which sum sites suggest and still zip Nowt not a thing was 3 days late then bang ! Very sad face right now, have lost count. Dam u nhs dam u dam u!  Gonna go on a new diet my mates r doing its not cheap but hey why not give it a go this ain't working,   

On the bright side sisters wedding is tomorrow so looking forward to that just hope there r no issues while I'm there. Lol.

Over and out

Negative vs positive

Not sure what's better stay positive and hope things will work and be very dissapointed when they don't. Or just think that things will never happen.  

Or can you really do either?

Still no good news for me yet!  And next door neighbour died poor man, that's two now.  

How did they know before me

Was friends funeral today, didn't make it coz had car issues but managed to get to the wake. 200_300 people went. 

While at the wake was talking to some one we didn't invite to our wedding as we haven't spoken in such a long time think she was really upset up it, I felt so bad she then whispered to me she stuck up for me back in the day. Meaning when mum and dad found out about me. Now I can't get that out my head! For one when did this happen and how did they all know before me.  Also why make me feel worse than I already do

Wedding

Sisters wedding a week Saturday she's a posh Londoner so I need to dress well. Do u think I can find sumit 18-20 low cut floaty dress not to much to ask everything seems to be high neck, wondering if I can get away with a nice suit instead. 

Boobs!

Big ones small ones weird ones! 

Men love them gay men love them

Everyone loves then!

N e way shopping with them not so good god dam my 36-38 GG grrrrrr. Finding a dress is not fun. And I'm told to wear sumit I norm wouldn't lol cheers.  Still will be a great day

Drunk

Lost count of tries now, but this time thought hey ho ill have a drinky lol. Well most unwanted pregnancys happen wen drunk. Not the best idea ever. Won't do it again sleepy now. Only two drinks not a shed load

Death

It's a part of us all, if you have not yet been touched by it ur lucky. 

Today a friend died only age 22 she was very ill and had been suffering for many years,  at least she is at peace now. But please for any one who reads this are you on the donor list. Even if so are your details up todate. It made me realise my details were not up to date I have now corrected this. Please please please I am begging you if your not on the list for whatever reason do it and do it now. You could save a life. My friend was at the top of the list but never got her chance. Had she gotten what she needed she would have led a normal life.  If the worst happened to you would you not want the same a chance at life.    RIP young one xxxxx

GAY

Does anyone else think teens today are gay coz its kool. Lol. So many I know from when I was a teen not that long ago might I add to now just seem to do it for a while then next thing I know they are straight and have kids etc. 

I wonder if its coz they really did think it was kool for a while or they are just going straight coz its the easy way to do things. 

And for my wife

Love it today for the first time heard some one say and I'll book an appt for my wife too and the lady at the counter didn't bat an eye lid now that's how it should be!  This little town is getting with the times just hope we get this gay pride they r talking about

Tricks

Why do our bodies play tricks on us. First I come on just a little then stop so I start thinking omg maybe this it and I get a little excited. Then boom starts again. Omg I could just fall apart. It's not fare it really ain't. Get told off in work. Well your lot fucking try to deal with what I have to see how far they get before cracking up. I think I'm dam strong for everything I've been through with it all. 

Is it me?

Is it me?

Am I the problem?

What if I cant get pregnant?

Don't think I can cope if I cant have children.

What do I do now?
Do I go and pay for tests as NHS will not help me coz I am GAY. ?
Or just carry on trying and going through this torture everytime. that's what it is torture.

Had to come home early from work. just didn't want to be around anyone, no one there will ever understand. Not many people do.  Why is it, it always works for everyone else apart from yourself.

Gonna try to get my Donor to have a count done. Now that's a convo that could be interesting. questioning a guys manhood. but would rather know if there is an issue or not.    

Bed

Got up and nope defo didn't work again. I'm so gutted I can't even cry. Where do I have to go now to work. Will they understand no. Will I get into trouble prob yes.  My back is killing me and I feel sick. Not to mention I'm extremely upset. God help anyone if they get in my way today. I just wanna stay home and be alone. 

Getting stressed

If you have been through what I'm doing then you will understand how stressed I am right now thy say don't get stressed but you just can't help it only couple of days till I'm due on and it's starting to get to me. Just don't wanna have to go through it all over again. It's draining me. Fingers crossed hell everything crossed

Days almost here

Almost Tuesday, feels like there's so many days left but there's not. I have a feeling it's not worked again. I don't feel any different at all just fatter but that's coz I've eaten more than norm lol: naughty me. Well still fingers crossed I guess you never. Know.

Weight loss

Why when you go away you eat more. Yum yum! Naughty me. Time for a diet! If it don't work this time I'm gonna join a diet group online and see how we get on.  

Anyway what I have been up to London for a writing course get there and it's cancelled me annoyed. I am covered in cuts and bruised like mad. Only from traveling on buses and the under ground. So funny not sure how I did it. 

London

Little trip to London was a bust! Three trains and bus I'm

Finally able to rest have worst headache ever. A 30 min trip turned into 3 hours! Never again.  Least it's taking my mind off the baby stuff. Don't they dress lush in London and all so slim must be all the running about on the underground.